What Matters the Most
by FriendsLovers
Summary: Sometimes, it's so easy to find out what really matters. - Ryan/Jenny
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** What Matters the Most  
**Summary:** Sometimes, it's so easy to find out what really matters.  
**Pairings:** Ryan/Jenny, Castle/Beckett  
**Rating:** PG – 13  
**Disclaimer:** I DON'T own anyone or anything. I DON'T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

* * *

Sitting in the stiff chair, Jenny Ryan closed her eyes as she released the breath she had been holding. The bank was busy, as usual. New customers would enter and leave again, the people in fine suits would pass by, the large room was filled with a wild mix of voice, of which not all were bothered to talk in a decent tone.

Going to the bank, having to wait until one of those busy, dressed up people would have time for her was bad enough. The reasons why she had to be at this place only made it worse. A month had passed since she had lost her job, and despite her best attempts at finding a new one, nothing was in sight yet.

Losing a job was never an enjoyable experience. Losing it when the second salary was dearly needed wouldn't just disappoint, it would cause stress no one wanted to deal with. They needed the money now that they had finally gone for their wish, had bought their first own house.

Sighing deeply, she shook her head. She was familiar with pressure, but during the past month, it had reached a whole new level. She wanted to keep most of the stress to herself, as Kevin was busy enough with the job. How much longer that would work though was the question.

The pressure was growing with every single day. Jenny knew: hiding their money problems from her husband was silly, and wouldn't work for long either. Carrying so much weight on her shoulders was getting harder with every single day. It was the main reason why she was sitting in this stiff chair, in the center of a busy bank, dearly hoping that one of the bank employee would be able to offer suggestions, would work on a plan b with her, in case lack of money would turn into a real problem for the pair.

Opening her eyes again, she took in her surroundings. She was waiting for half an hour, which felt like eternity to her. She couldn't help but wonder how many more different stories those customers she could see would be able to tell. The thick lump in her throat made breathing difficult. She was good at solving problems, but some seemed to pile up, and hiding them from her husband didn't make it easier.

Leaning back in her chair, she watched one man in particular. Everyone in this bank was hectic and stressed, or some nervous. But none looked like him. The was a coldness not only in the man's eyes but also in the way he was carrying himself. A strange kind of concern was starting to rise deep within her as she studied him more closely. For a moment, she tried to shove those thoughts aside, believing that the stories her husband and his friends used to tell were slowly making her paranoid.

Anyway, she stiffened in her chair. She watched the man as he walked up to one of the bank employees. Jenny saw the gun before the bank assistant had the chance to spot it. Her eyes quickly darted to the entrance door, wondering if she could get out before hostages would be taken.

"Attention, everyone!" the man hollered then, lifting the gun for everyone to see. "This bank is taken over by me. If you wanna get out of here in one piece, you won't move an inch and listen exactly to what I got to say."

Instinctively, Jenny froze in her chair. Unlike other customers. Screaming in fear, a few of them dashed for the exit, some managed to escape before the first shot echoed through the bank.

"I said no one dares to move!" the man yelled. "You, over there! Close the damn door! Everyone else gets on the floor. No tricks. I'm not hesitant to use this gun on anyone of you."

This time, the customers listened. Freezing in place, they stared at the man with huge eyes before one after the other got down onto the floor. Slowly, trying not to attract attention, Jenny got up from her chair, making sure the bank robber wouldn't spot the cell phone which she had partly pulled out of her coat pocket.

"You! Do you need an extra invitation?" the man shouted then, startling her as she realised he was talking to her. Quickly, she hit the send button, hoping the short text message would be detailed enough for Kevin to understand what she had gotten into.

Sitting on the floor, Jenny kept her eyes focused on the bank robber, with raised eyebrows trying to figure out what exactly was going on. So far, much to her confusion, he hadn't asked the bank manager for any keys, any money yet. He wasn't wearing a mask. Pacing up and down nervously, he seemed to be struggling with himself. Jenny bit her bottom lip, taking deep breaths to keep herself as calm and collected as possible. An unstable bank robber was dangerous: even she was aware of that.

What was he up to though, she wondered. He didn't look like he knew exactly what to do next, but also not like he had made a spontaneous choice. Which bank robber didn't bother to hide their face? So far, she had learnt that in such situations, the hostage taker would most likely not bother to let their hostages go. She shuddered, once wishing that she didn't know as much as she did.

"Did anyone manage to press the alarm button?" one of the hostages whispered next to her. The bank manager made an uncomfortable face as he shook his head. The hostage sighed. "Fantastic, so no one called the cops?"

The other customers started to whisper as well, causing Jenny's heart rate to pick up. Who knew how much it took to anger their hostage taker and make him lose control?

"The cops will surely arrive soon," she hissed with a quick glance at the pacing man. "My husband's a cop, and I managed to send him a text message." Just then, as if having waited for a silent signal, sirens outside the bank revealed that their potential rescuers had arrived. The bank robber stopped in his tracks, eyes widening in shock. He stared intently at the locked door as if it was about to burst open every second. For a moment, he appeared almost frightened. His mood changed within a matter of seconds though as he spun around and waved his gun at his scared hostages.

"Who of you bastards called the cops, huh?" he bellowed. "Who?! Who called them? Tell me if you don't want me to put a bullet in your heads!"

"It was her!" the man, sitting next to Jenny, shouted, frantically pointing his finger at her. "She called them! Said her husband's a cop."

Mentally, Jenny groaned at herself. She had hoped to calm the whispering customers down with assuring them that help was on the way. She should have expected that some information rather stayed hidden. She swallowed hard as the man's eyes focused on her.

"Really? So first thing when I told you not to do anything stupid was calling your husband? Who's a cop?" He stepped closer, gun pointed at her. Slowly, he knelt in front of her, studying her with a grin that made her shiver. "What's your name, blondie?"

"Jenny," she answered hesitantly, not daring to say more than necessary anymore.

"Nice to meet you, Jenny," he said, voice dangerously quiet now. "I'm Frank. See, you might wonder why it's such a big deal that you called the cops? They might've shown up sooner or later anyway. You're right, dear. That was part of the plan all along. And you just turned into my most precious hostage." He pressed the muzzle of the gun against her forehead before he added, "And now, you'll do exactly what I'm gonna tell you."

* * *

More than four years of working with the 12th precinct of the NYPD still hadn't eased Castle's joy as soon as he would receive one of Beckett's calls, announcing that yet another body had shown up. As he arrived at the address in question though, carrying the usual two mugs of coffee, excitement increasing with every step he made, he raised his eyebrows in confusion at the familiar setting. It took him a while to spot Beckett, approaching him with long, fast steps.

"What's going on here?" he asked.

"Hostages have been taken during a bank robbery," she said, worry displayed in her eyes.

"Oh?" Castle's eyes widened in surprise. "And that's our business because…?" He tensed inwardly, not having forgotten how he and his mother had been part of a hostage situation around a year ago. The mental images were still so clear that sometimes, at night, they would rise and keep him awake.

"Because one of our own is involved. Basically," Beckett said. She sighed. "Jenny's in there."

"Jenny? As in Ryan's Jenny?" Castle asked disbelieving. At her nod, he scanned the group of cops again, looking for his friend.

"She sent him a text message," she explained as they slowly made their way through the crowd. She didn't have to add why they headed straight to the bank in question: no one would stay at the precinct in such a situation. They hadn't done so when he had been in trouble either.

"How's he doing?" Castle wanted to know.

"What do you think?" Beckett asked back. He didn't need her to say more, and got a visible answer to his question a moment later as he spotted Ryan with Esposito, a couple of feet away. The man's face was as pale as he had expected, eyes widened in concern. His partner was talking to him, most likely trying to calm him down, to reassure him, but Castle fairly doubted he was listening.

"Hey guys," he greeted as he joined them, trying to smile, but failing at it. Despite what most people assumed, Castle was capable of being serious, and while he couldn't deny he behaved like a child at times, he was able to offer comfort. He was a man of words, but he knew perfectly well that nothing he could say would change anything.

He had seen Beckett and the others doing exactly that so many times, and he was entirely convinced that while their words might reach their conversation partners, he doubted they would have a bigger effect on them. Alexis had confirmed that while being in Ryan's situation: standing outside, having no idea what was going on inside. Nothing of what Beckett or the other cops had said had eased her fear at all.

"You got anything new yet?" he decided to ask instead. They had to deal with the facts, and fooling a detective with soothing words was a waste of time and energy. If someone knew exactly what they were dealing with and how things could turn out, it was them.

"Nothing." Esposito shook his head. "They tried to call the bank, but he's not picking up. They're trying to get access to security cameras. Seems like quite a lot of hostages are in there. But they're not letting us anywhere near the guy in charge, or anyone else who could probably say more. Keep on saying it's not our business, it's theirs."

"Yeah, none of our business," Ryan repeated quietly, his voice having a sharp edge to it which Castle had never noticed before. There was no doubt in his eyes that prior to his arrival, Esposito and Beckett had had a hard time with preventing their partner and friend from either simply storming into the bank or doing something else that would interfere with the plans of the responsible team. For a second, he couldn't help but wonder if they had set him on drugs, but the fiery anger that was blazing in his eyes, along with the way he was visibly forcing himself to stand still, proved his idea wrong. He couldn't blame him though. Imagining Alexis in exactly the same situation was a nightmare he didn't want to imagine.

"Maybe…" Castle started, but was interrupted by the familiar sound of a ringing phone. All eyes focused on Ryan as he almost dropped his phone twice before he managed to answer it.

"Jenny?" he exclaimed, barely able to keep up the control over himself which he had invested so much energy into gaining. "Is that you?" Once again, he almost dropped the phone as Beckett signalled him to put the call on loudspeaker.

"Yes, it's me," the familiar voice of Ryan's wife answered. Just like her husband, she seemed to be determined to stay in control over herself, but was struggling as well. "Listen, I'm fine, please don't worry. We're all fine. But...Frank...he wants a few things from you guys. Then he might let us go."

"What does he want?" Beckett asked before Ryan got a chance to reply. Just listening to the sound of his wife's voice already seemed to have made him speechless anyway.

"He said he wants...a van," she started, the tension in her voice slightly increasing as she spoke. "With...a driver. He...wants the guy to take the money to an address in Brooklyn. I'm gonna text it to you. The driver's supposed to leave the van there with the money and disappear. No one's allowed to follow, and he's not gonna release us until he knows the money and the car have arrived safely. And he also wants the cops to stop calling him. If he wants something, he'll call, or you call me."

Beckett nodded as she listened in concentration. "That's all?" she asked.

"That's all," Jenny confirmed. A shaky breath was released before she said, "Babe, listen, don't do anything stupid, okay? I'm fine. We're all fine in here. Just...give him what he wants and everything's gonna be okay. You…"

The phone call was interrupted by the dialtone. All four of them stared at the phone in silence, unable to move, unsure on what to say.

"Fine," Ryan stated then, more firmly this time. "Let's see if that son of a bitch still thinks this is none of our business." With those words, he headed off into the opposite direction, hurrying over to the large trailer that was used as a temporary commando base, closely followed by the others. Such a case would have been exactly what Castle was longing for, hadn't one of their own been involved in it. The tension was almost unbearable, and he dearly hoped that the bank robber wouldn't suddenly decide that he wasn't in need of his hostages anymore.

"Hey you, Captain Dawson!" Ryan shouted as he forcefully pulled the trailer's door open and let them in. "Guess who knows what your hostage taker wants from us."

The man in question turned around, opening his mouth with an expression that convinced Castle they would be kicked right out of the trailer again within the next couple of seconds.

"Before you remind us of the fact that we're not in charge here," Beckett stepped in. "My partner just received a phone call from his wife, who's one of the hostages. According to her, the bank robber isn't willing to communicate with you yet. Negotiations are either made with Mrs. Ryan, or he phones us. So unless you want to leaves those hostages in there for longer than necessary and anger this man, you allow us to help you out."

Captain Dawson visibly fought with himself at her words. Castle mentally rolled his eyes at him: those arguments regarding responsibilities and territories had always seemed to be rather childish to him. The fact that people depended on others, who argued who was in charge instead of trying to get them out, caused a sickening feeling of discomfort in the pit of his stomach.

"Okay," the Captain eventually said, nodding slowly. "Fine. Stay here. As long as he's able to keep control over himself." He gave Ryan a warning look, who stared back at him with a cold expression that made Castle shiver. "What does he want?"

Satisfied with her success, Beckett took the offered chair and started to repeat what Jenny had told them.

* * *

In silence, Jenny stared at her phone, resting on the floor in front of her now. The other hostages had gathered a few feet behind her, but she could feel their fear radiating over to her even from this distance. Her own heart was hammering hard in her chest as she tried to get a grip of the wild mix of thoughts that was rushing through her mind.

They were out there, and they would get her and the other hostages out. Jenny knew she had to repeat those words over and over again to herself if she didn't want to lose control over her emotions and show how frightened she really was. Staying calm was highest priority right now. The longer she watched Frank, the hostage taker, the more convinced she got that even the slightest provocation could cause a disaster.

Frank had forced her to call Kevin, and she couldn't deny that in some way, she was grateful for that. Not only had she been allowed to talk to him briefly, she had also tried her best to convince him that she was alright. She dearly hoped he wouldn't do anything stupid, because she knew: even cops were just humans. They couldn't function like perfect machines all the time.

But Beckett had been around as well, and Jenny knew the female detective was perfectly capable of controlling her team, and even Castle, who had probably already joined them out there. Closing her eyes for a moment, she took a deep breath. The tension in the bank was getting close to unbearable. So far, she hadn't managed to figure out what the man wanted, and his demands didn't make much sense to her either.

Focusing her eyes on the phone again, which Frank had forbidden her to touch, Jenny didn't dare to look up. She could see how the heavy boots of the man stopped in front of her then. He didn't seem to be as hectic as he had been minutes ago.

"So," he said, seemingly satisfied, but she couldn't help but wonder if there wasn't still an edge to his voice. "Looks like we're gonna spend some time with each other in here until the dear cops are gonna get me my van. If they don't, we're gonna have a problem of course." He sighed deeply. "Now the money...you!" Instinctively looking up, Jenny saw how Frank pointed at someone behind her. "You're the bank manager? What's your name?"

"Mallory," the shaky voice of the manager answered.

"Mr. Mallory." Frank smirked, but so close to him now, Jenny realised that her earlier suspicion hadn't been entirely wrong. He wasn't as calm as he was trying to make his hostages believe. "Would you be so kind and get me all the cash you got in this bank?"

"All the…" the manager started.

"Yeah, all the cash." His eyes darted to Jenny. "Get up."

Slowly and carefully, trying her best not to do something that could provoke Frank in any way, she did like she was told. With one long step, he was in front of her. Roughly, he spun her around and wrapped an arm around her from behind. Instinctively, she tensed as she felt the cold metal of the gun's muzzle pressed against her temple. Instantly, she forced herself to stay still though, not to make a sound. Showing fear in a situation like this didn't seem to be a good idea in her opinion.

"Mr. Mallory, you'll be so kind and get me what I just demanded, 'cause I'm sure you don't want our dear Jenny to get harmed, right?"

On shaky legs, the bank manager got up. "I...I might need some help," he stammered.

Frank nodded. "Sure, take whoever you need, carry the money over to the door. Do what you need to do, but keep in mind…" He pressed the gun more firmly to her head.

Trying to stay in control over her breath, Jenny watched as the manager and two helpers hurried into the back of the bank. She watched as they returned with bundles of cash, placing them close to the door like they had been told to. The cold sensation that fear caused deep within her had spread into every inch of her body by now, was slowly but steadily having a paralysing effect on her. She knew she had to make it stop, had to act before she would get dragged even further into trouble.

"What do you wanna do with all the money?" she wanted to know, relieved noticing that her voice wasn't shaking as much as she had expected it to.

"I doubt that's anything of your business, Jenny," he stated firmly. His voice still managed to confuse her though. Something was odd, and she couldn't fight down the sudden, almost ridiculous idea that she should figure out what it was.

"It's quite a lot of money," she said. "Sorry, I'm just a little confused."

"By what?" Frank's voice had changed its sound again.

"Well, you asked for a van, but you wanted to stay here with us until it arrived in Brooklyn," she said hesitantly. "Why would you send the money away and stay here? And how do you want to get to that address?"

The moment she felt the bank robber tense, Jenny regretted her questions and dearly wished she could just take them back. She had made a step too far, and had probably crossed the line with it. Desperately, she tried to come up with something that would help her to ease his anger, but her mind seemed to have gotten blank completely.

"You're a little nosy, aren't you?" he hissed eventually. She resisted the urge to wince as the gun's muzzle was pushed into her temple more firmly. "Typical wife of a cop, huh?" He lifted his head and yelled, "When the hell are you done? How long can it possibly take you to get money from a to b?"

"We're done! We're done," the bank manager answered, raising his hands in defence. "That's everything we got here. You...need us to do anything else for you?"

"Not yet," Frank barked. "Sit down, shut up and wait until you receive further instructions from me." With those words, he released Jenny from his tight grip and pushed her forward, almost making her trip. "And you, Mrs. Nosy, will call your husband. I'm starting to get impatient in here."

Nodding her head in agreement, afraid to say anything else that would anger the hostage taker even more, she grabbed the phone with shaking hands and did like she was told.

* * *

The world around him seemed to be miles away as Ryan sat outside the trailer, staring at the entrance door of the bank, unable to believe what was happening. Things had been fine in the morning, when he had headed to work. At least so he had tried to make himself believe. If he was honest to himself, things hadn't been as fine as he wanted them to be.

He had expected that Jenny would have her problems with losing the job. Ryan had tried his best to assure her that she would soon find a new one, that together, they would handle this challenge, like they would handle every other one. He had tried to cheer her up, but while she had offered occasional smiles in an attempt to make him believe that she was okay, the expression in her eyes would tell a different story.

Things weren't easy, especially not for her, and as he sat outside the trailer, staring at the large doors across the street, he couldn't help but blame himself. Why hadn't he invested more time into comforting her? Why hadn't he helped her more with finding a new job, or at least something else she could do for a while?

Squeezing his eyes shut, he shook his head as more thoughts pushed their way into his mind. He felt like the temperature had dropped several degrees since the moment she had texted him, had informed him that she was hostage of a bank robber. He had panicked, of course, and both, Beckett and Esposito, had had a hard time with preventing him from doing anything impulsive in response to his overwhelming fear.

He was able to sit still now, but nothing within him had changed. He was shivering inwardly, freezing even, but no coat would protect him from the cold. Jenny was in there, only a couple of feet away, and he couldn't do anything but wait, and hope that whoever had taken hostages in there wouldn't do the unspeakable. Various scenarios were playing wild in his mind, one more scary than the other, and he didn't know how much longer he could take it.

Ryan didn't look up as he heard how the door of the trailer was opened behind him. He didn't look up as Esposito made his way down the few steps and sat down next to him. He knew he didn't have to.

"You know we're gonna get her out, right?" Esposito asked after a couple of moments of silence.

"You of all people should know how stupid that statement is," Ryan replied quietly.

Esposito sighed. "Then what else am I supposed to say, man? That it's all gonna be a mess? That he's not just there for the money? We saw the photos of the security camera. He's not wearing a mask. He's got nothing to lose. Is that what you wanna hear?"

"At least it's honest," Ryan said. "Nice, well-chosen words won't change reality, right?" He shook his head. "There's nothing we can do but wait, and it's driving me crazy. We can't run in there 'cause he's the perfect example of an unstable personality according to his behaviour, right? He won't negotiate either. We can do nothing but stare at those fucking security cameras, see how he's threatening my wife with a gun, hoping that he's not gonna kill anyone before we do what he wants. And he's not even gonna leave with the damn van." He looked up, meeting Esposito's gaze. "Tell me, do you really think it's all gonna be alright?"

His partner stared back at him in silence, visibly fighting with himself. "I don't know, man," he admitted then. "I don't know. Wish I could tell you something else."

"Yeah, me, too." Ryan turned his attention back to the bank. "Me, too."

But before he could blind out his surroundings again, the sound of his ringing phone. Like in trance, he answered it, barely noticing how Esposito hurried back up the stairs again and called for the rest of the team.

"Jenny?" he asked in a mix of fear and hope, his shaky hands barely managing to put the call on speaker again like he was supposed to. "Is that you? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," he could hear her voice answering him. Her voice was more tense than earlier: not too much of a surprise after what he had seen just minutes ago. Beckett had almost kicked him out of the trailer when he had been close to losing it again while seeing a gun pointed to his wife's head. "Are...the others there, too?"

"Yeah! Yeah, they are," he answered, grateful for Beckett, who stepped between him and Captain Dawson, who tried to take over the phone call. "You...got any new demands from him?"

"Well...he wants to know where the van is. Why it's taking so long," she said. He could almost feel the way she was fighting with herself, trying to keep her voice calm and clear while she was clearly not feeling confident at all. Never before, he had wanted to just pull her into his arms and hold her as close as he could. A new rush of anger filled him, but was fought down instantly. Such emotions wouldn't help her at all.

"Where's the van?" Ryan snapped at the Captain. "You heard her. Why's it taking so long?"

"It should be here in ten minutes," Dawson assured him.

"You heard what he said?" Ryan asked. "Ten more minutes. The van should be here in…"

He was cut off by the sounds coming out of the phone then. The former silence was broken by several voices talking at once while one of them clearly overpowered them all.

"Jenny?" he asked, feeling new panic rising. "Jenny, what's going on in there?"

But she didn't answer, at least not to his question. He could hear the voices getting louder, could pick up on something like an argument.

"Please, Mr. Mallory, just...sit down again," Jenny's frightened voice said then. Her plea was followed by a shocked scream, closely followed by a gunshot.

His mind was spinning as he repeated Jenny's name, over and over again, while hell broke loose inside the bank and outside the trailer. Nothing was clear enough to be understood, nothing made sense. His heart was hammering hard in his chest, his body seemed to fight between paralysing and attacking as panic threatened to overwhelm him.

"Okay, everybody shut the hell up now!" Castle's voice roared then and, most likely to the writer's own surprise, at least the shouting outside the bank stopped instantly. "I mean...shouldn't we...find out what happened first before we go crazy out here as well?"

"He's right," Beckett said. Ryan could feel how his arm was grabbed by a gentle, yet firm hand. "Jenny, can you still hear us?" she added, speaking almost softly now. "What happened? Is anybody hurt?"

"It's the bank manager," Jenny's shaky voice eventually answered, and Ryan didn't bother to feel guilty because of the relief he felt at her words. "He...was shot. He shot him. Into...the shoulder."

"Can you tell me how bad it is?" Beckett asked, flashing the Captain a warning look. Before the man got a chance to argue, Castle simply stepped in front of him, joined by Esposito, blocking him.

"He's…" she started, but her voice was cut off by a male one.

"Okay, guys, Frank's doing the talking now," the hostage taker informed them, not without a slight shaking in his own voice as he spoke. "I guess by now, you gotta know that I'm serious. The bank manager was lucky. Next time I pull the trigger, I'll do a better job, you hear me?"

"No, you won't," Ryan hissed before he could stop himself. Rage was taking over again, and this time, he wasn't able to fight it down. Not that he was still trying. "If you hurt my wife, I'm gonna kill you. Trust me. You're not the only one who knows how to pull the trigger."

"Is that a promise, Detective?" Frank wanted to know. He paused before he added, "I might get back to you for that offer. For now, I want my van. You better be on time if you want to safe that idiot of a manager. Call me when my van's arrived."

With those words, he hung up. No one spoke a word as five pairs of eyes were focused on a small cell phone, and no words were needed.

* * *

The moment the bank manager had gotten up, and had decided to do whatever he had been about to do, Jenny had known that things were close to escalating. She had pleaded with Mallory, but he hadn't listened. Probably adrenaline had driven him as he had argued with Frank, who had eventually done what she had expected him to do. The bullet had hit Mallory's shoulder, the man had fallen backwards by the force of the shot and had hit the polished floor hard.

Kneeling next to him now, pressing her jacket onto the bleeding wound, Jenny was still shaking. The rest of the group had gathered a couple of feet away, like a frightened herd of animals, scared that the predator would strike again. Frank had returned to nervous pacing. Much to her surprise, Mallory himself was calm, was only slightly shivering as he lay still on the stony floor.

"You're gonna be alright," she said anyway, trying to offer an assuring smile as she added more pressure to the wound that was now soaking her coat. "It's...just the shoulder after all."

"Yeah, not a big deal. I'm...almost fine," Mallory answered with a weak smile. "I just...I thought I should use the chance. We all know he's...not gonna let us go."

Jenny wasn't surprised that she felt nothing at Mallory's words. By now, she shared his thoughts. Frank had plans, and something in his behaviour, something in the things he had said, had caused her worry to increase.

"I thought if he focused on me, maybe...at least a few could get out," Mallory coughed. "I'm an idiot, huh?"

"I'd rather say something like a hero." Jenny tried to offer another smile, but knew she failed at it. The situation felt more and more like a nightmare, and she feared she couldn't wake up. So directly faced with what could happen to all of them, she couldn't help the questions that popped into her mind. How would her husband deal with it if she really got hurt, or worse? A bunch of 'what if' questions followed. What if she had just told him more about their money problems, and hadn't gone to the bank this morning? What if… She shook her head, fighting with her rising tears.

"Remember what you said?" Mallory's quiet voice asked then. "That your husband and his friends are gonna help us. You...should keep on believing in that."

Jenny only managed to nod in response. Even if she had wanted to, she wouldn't have been able to speak. She also wouldn't have gotten the chance to do so as Frank's attention suddenly turned back to them.

"Stop talking!" he barked at them.

"Or what?" she asked back, shocking herself with the anger in her surprisingly loud voice. She didn't know where the sudden courage to speak had come from, but by now, she had stopped caring either. "You're gonna kill us all? You know you're not gonna make it out of this bank then."

"Who says that's my plan anyway?" Frank asked back, smiling at her, and for the first time, she understood what said smile really meant, and why it had felt so odd to her. He wasn't cold. He wasn't even confident of himself and his plan. He was sad. Desperate even. And finally, she could see it. Her eyes widened as realisation hit her.

"You want the cops to kill you," she gasped. "You don't wanna get out of here."

"What a smart girl you are." Sarcastic laughter escaped him.

"But...why?" she asked, not expecting an answer. But this time, he surprised her.

"'Cause I got nothing to lose. You didn't get that yet?" Frank started pacing again for a couple of moments before he stopped abruptly once more. "You wanna know what that van's for? It's gonna take money to my family."

"Your family?" Jenny's eyes widened even more.

"My family." Frank nodded, his facial expression darkening even more. "My wife and my son. I gotta get them out of this city, as far away from it as possible. That van's supposed to get them as far as they need to go. So will the money."

"And what about you?" she wanted to know.

Frank laughed again. Every bit of confidence had left him at this point. He looked like he had aged a decade as he knelt down across of her, a couple of feet between them. "I got involved with the wrong guy," he explained. "Needed some money for the house, and the bank wouldn't give me anything." He threw a short, hateful glance at the injured bank manager. "So I went to someone who was willing to give it to me. Turned out I couldn't pay him back though. Unfortunately, that guy's not your average bad guy. He's got money. Lots of it. And he knows how to hire people who'll...take care of his problems." He shook his head. "I need to get my family out of this city. There's no hope for me...he's gonna find me wherever I go. But maybe at least they can flee." He paused. "And trust me...I'm rather killed by a professional sniper than by whatever guy this man will hire to get me." He chuckled quietly. "Awesome story, huh? Certainly not what you expected."

But Jenny didn't answer. In silence, she stared at the man in front of her, unable to figure out what to feel, what to think. Something deep within her felt sorry for this desperate man, who hadn't seen a way out of the chaos he had gotten himself and his family into. She could understand his wish to protect his loved ones, and she was convinced that human beings were capable of a lot to make that happen. But along with the pity came the worry. The man really had nothing to lose, and provoking the police to kill him definitely seemed to be an option for him. An icy, cold sensation started to form in her stomach, was slowly spreading into every inch of her body. There was nothing she could do. There was nothing anyone could do.

She almost jumped to her feet as her phone started to ring. Frank reached for it and took the call. He listened closely before he answered, "Well done, Detective. I'm gonna send the hostages out with my money now. They'll load the van. They can leave as soon as the driver leaves. Except your wifey and the bank manager of course." And without waiting for a further response from the other end of the phone, he hung up.

Feeling as if she was trapped in a ridiculous, surreal dream, Jenny watched as Frank shouted orders at the other hostages. They almost fled out of the bank as they carried the money outside and loaded it into the van. Automatically, she got up as she was firmly grabbed by the shoulder. Once again, the muzzle of the gun was pressed against her head.

Motionless, she stared ahead, not needing long to make out familiar faces among those cops that had gathered outside, prepared to welcome the happier hostages. Kevin was staring straight at her, and even from the distance, she could make out the expression in his eyes. Only a couple of feet were separating them from each other, and at this point, the urge to run to him was almost unbearable. She could see that Esposito and Castle had grabbed his arms, making sure he wouldn't do anything unexpected. As the doors closed, leaving only her, Frank and Mallory behind, she could no longer hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall for a while now.

Frank waited until the van had left. She could hear his sigh of relief before he said, "And now we're gonna move on to the next part of the plan. You!" he shouted at the bank manager. "Get over to the doors where I can see you."

Mallory didn't protest. Barely able to move, still losing too much blood for his own good, he half walked, half crawled across the floor. Frank gave Jenny a push, signalling her to follow. With a painful groan, Mallory dropped to the ground as he reached the tall doors. From the corners of her eyes, she could see how he flipped her phone open again.

"Hello Detective," he said, back in control over his voice. The confidence was back, and knowing the reasons for that sent new shockwaves of fear through her. He was close to fulfilling his plan, which wouldn't turn out to be a good outcome for his remaining hostages.

"Oh, I see we're still a little pissed, huh?" Frank laughed. "I'm coming out now. But no one's gonna dare to move, you hear me? You don't want to risk that."

Pushing her forward, he kicked the door open, once again presenting them to the crowd of cops, remaining inside the bank though, and, so Jenny assumed, out of reach for any snipers that might have been called.

"Here," he said then, forcefully pushing her cell into her hand. "You might wanna talk to him. Tell him that you love him. He's a lucky guy, 'cause that's more than my wife's gonna get."

Once more overwhelmed, Jenny lifted the shaky hand that was holding the phone to her ear. "Do it," Frank demanded.

Shivering uncontrollably at this point, she pressed the phone more firmly against her ear and said, "I love you, baby."

The expression in his eyes told her that he knew exactly what was about to happen next, and it shattered her heart in thousands of pieces. "I love you, too," he answered, and even from the distance, she believed she could experience every single of his feelings as their eyes remained locked. She knew he wanted to run over to her, so much that his entire body language was giving it away. Only the gun pressed to her temple was preventing him from doing it, and in an odd way, she was grateful for that.

"If you have to shoot me, can't you at least do it inside?" she hissed at Frank, no longer caring if her words could possibly anger him.

"That'd not be the same," he stated, his voice as cold as ever. If there had been any pity for the man, by now, it had all disappeared. She had felt sorry for the man who had tried to protect his family. But she didn't feel sorry for the one who chose to hurt innocent people because he had screwed up. A new rush of emotions filled her then: anger. Something deep within her was rebelling, was fighting, unwilling to give up. Not here. Not in front of her husband. Not like this. An unexpected energy started to rise, got stronger and stronger with every passing seconds, causing her body to relax and tense at the same time, in an odd, motivating way.

And then, Jenny saw it. She didn't need longer than a matter of seconds to recognize the small, red dot on Frank's shoulder, right next to her head. Her eyes darted to the house at the other side of the street, but she knew she wouldn't be able to spot the sniper. Then, her eyes focused on Kevin again. He was watching her closely, still with an expression in his eyes that made her heart ache. She could see the rage, the pure hate towards the man with the gun, and she doubted he would still be standing there if the gun wasn't so close to her, and if his friends weren't trapping him between the both of them.

But there was more, and it was this bit that gave her the needed encouragement. She wasn't a cop, but she wasn't helpless either. She didn't want to be part of Frank's plan. She had entered the bank because she had wanted to protect her very own family, and she wasn't allowing her own plan to fail because of one desperate man. Across of her stood the man she loved, and at this moment, she wanted nothing else but to walk out of this bank, go home with him. Who cared for their money problems? Who cared for anything, really, as long as they had each other? And no desperate man was allowed to mess with that.

She gazed back at the red dot, drawing Frank's attention to it as well. Taking a deep breath, Jenny straightened herself as good as she could. With as much strength as she could gather, she lifted her hands and hit against the hand that was holding the gun. Using Frank's brief moment of distraction for her advantage, she spun out of his tight grip and let herself fall to the ground, right on top of Mallory, whose body she shielded with her own. Squeezing her eyes shut, she covered her head with her hands as she heard someone shouting "Fire!".

She didn't hear the shot, but as she lifted her head, Frank was no longer standing upright. On the polished floor of the bank lay the hostage taker, a round gunshot wound where she had seen the red dot just seconds ago. Gasping in pain, Frank tried to move, but his gun had been dropped, had slid out of his reach. It seemed as if thick fog was clouding her mind as Jenny lay on top of the injured bank manager. She recognized Beckett, who stormed into the bank, gun pointed at Frank, yelling words at him which she didn't understand.

And then, she felt how she was grabbed by the shoulders, gently yet firmly, and was pulled up into a standing position again. As soon as two arms closed around her in a tight embrace, the fog lifted and things rushed back into place. The police officers had stopped shouting as Beckett led Frank out of the bank. Castle was standing at the door, waving the medical staff over to help Mallory. But nothing, not even Frank's defeated expression, mattered as much as what she felt as she was hugged even more tightly.

"Are you okay?" Kevin asked as he eventually pulled her back a little to examine her.

"I'm fine," she assured him, shaking her head to help her mind to focus again. "I'm fine, don't worry."

"Are you sure?" he asked, still sounding worried. "You're still running on adrenaline, maybe…"

"I'm fine," she repeated. "See? I'm fine."

She allowed him to examine her again until he was satisfied. Then, the brightest smile she had ever seen lit his face before she was pulled into yet another tight embrace and was showered with kisses.

"Never do something like that again, okay?" he said, finally allowing himself to unload the emotions he had been forced to hold back. "I'm so glad you're okay. I thought that...I was sure…"

"I know," she answered quietly. "Me, too." She snuggled further into him before she added, "If you don't mind though...this isn't really a place where I want to be at any longer."

Immediately agreeing to her wish, Kevin led her out of the bank, across the street, towards his car. Jenny didn't pay attention to the officers, to the Captain. She offered a short, grateful smile for their friends, who she spotted nearby. The nightmare was over. She knew she would need a while until this fact would have completely sunk in. But for now, that was okay, because she had everything she needed, right by her side.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** What Matters the Most  
**Summary:** Sometimes, it's so easy to find out what really matters.  
**Pairings:** Ryan/Jenny, Castle/Beckett  
**Rating:** PG – 13  
**Disclaimer:** I DON'T own anyone or anything. I DON'T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

* * *

The team celebrated her like a hero, but Ryan felt that Jenny wished for nothing else but getting home as quickly as possible. He doubted she had fully understood yet that she was free again, that the nightmare was over. And so, eventually, he managed to lure his exhausted wife out of the precinct, back to the car to take her home.

She didn't say more than necessary during the car ride, in silence followed him upstairs into their apartment. Mechanically, she took off his coat, as her own couldn't be used anymore. Eventually, she curled up on the couch and didn't move a single inch until he joined her with a steaming mug of tea.

"Thanks," she said quietly as she accepted the it. He could feel she was getting more tired by the minute, but didn't look like she was ready to go to sleep yet either. He watched her for a while, hesitating for a moment, before he reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, gently drawing her closer. She leaned into him instinctively, and he tightened his grip around her. He hadn't forgotten those feelings he had experienced earlier, and he dearly hoped said experience wouldn't make him overprotective.

"I'm fine," she repeated the sentence she had said so many times already during the past hour.

Ryan nodded, feeling the strong wish to question her further, to make her understand that it was perfectly fine to admit if she was, in fact, not feeling well at all. He knew he couldn't push her either though, and as he wondered what to say instead, another question came to his mind.

"Why were you at the bank anyway?" he asked. The way she tensed at his question was nothing he had been prepared for, and nothing he had wanted to happen either. It had been supposed to be a random question, and he was surprised to realise that there was more behind this topic than he had expected.

"Jenny, talk to me," he said softly. "You know you can talk to me. About everything."

"I know that." She paused for another moment before she sighed. "I...well, I was there because I'm starting to get worried. Because of our financial situation, you know? I hoped they could give me advice for what we could do."

"You're worried because of our financial situation?" Ryan asked with raised eyebrows. He knew things weren't rosy at the moment, but whenever he had brought up the topic, Jenny had casually brushed it off.

"Yeah." She sighed again. "I know I said we're okay, but...since I lost the job...we'd be okay if there wasn't the house."

"The house?" He gazed back at her in surprise. "But...why didn't you tell me?"

Jenny shrugged, looking almost guilty as she answered, "I know you love the house. We agreed that we wanted it, and I thought it wouldn't take me so long to find a new job. But that plan...it didn't really work out, and if I don't come up with something else, I'm not sure how we're supposed to handle this."

Ryan didn't respond right away. In surprise and disbelief, he stared back at his wife, before he shook his head. "Why do you keep on saying 'you' have to come up with something? Why'd you kept on saying we were fine and brushed it all off? We could've talked about this."

"Because...the job's keeping you busy enough." She looked almost desperate at this point: nothing he wanted to see at all. Once again, he pulled her closer, placing a reassuring kiss onto her cheek.

"So what?" he asked. "Doesn't matter how busy I'm with the job. We're married. We're in this together, remember? It's not your job to carry the whole burden all by yourself. Do I love the house? Sure. But come on, it's not like our apartment isn't nice either. You lost your job, fine. Doesn't mean it's only your problem to solve now."

"You almost sound as if you don't want the house anymore," Jenny said.

Ryan shrugged. "Not if it causes extra pressure for us. We got enough stress, we shouldn't add to it with financial problems because of a house, which we don't need as this place here is nice enough. We didn't sign anything yet, so whatever?" He smiled at the glance she gave him in response. "Come on, stop looking at me like that. It's just a house. We can still find another one if it's easier to afford. I don't mind. I mean, would you rather buy it and be worried all the time?" He kissed her again. "Don't ever do that again, okay? For the record, we're in this together. You and me. Sometimes, you gotta settle for a compromise. And that's okay." Gently squeezing her shoulder in a reassuring gesture, he added, "After what happened today, I couldn't care less for a silly house. I'm just glad you're here with me now."

A relieved smile lit her face as she nodded. His arm tightened around her shoulders as she leaned further into him and finally started to relax again.

* * *

_Her heart was racing, but she did what she could to hide the fear that was threatening to overwhelm her. The metal of the gun's muzzle felt cold against her skin. The temperature in the room seemed to have dropped drastically. She was shivering. She could see Frank's expression changing. Something maniac was visible in his eyes. He had been unpredictable since he had walked into the bank, but now he had reached a whole new level of insanity. She closed her eyes, squeezing them shut firmly, waiting, knowing there was no way out anymore._

With a gasp, Jenny awoke from her nightmare, needing a couple of moments to remember that she was no longer trapped in the bank but was safely at home. Unable to move, she stared into the darkness with huge eyes, trying to control her hectic breathing in fear she would hyperventilate. Even though she was no longer dreaming, the fear wasn't fading.

She was free. She was okay. Everything was just alright. But the heart continued to hammer against her ribcage, panic seemed to take over every inch of her body, every nerve, even the tiniest bit of her frightened mind. She was safe. So why couldn't she just get over it?

No longer bearing the darkness in the room, Jenny freed herself of the thick blanket that made her feel all the more trapped and stumbled rather than walked out of the bedroom. She didn't dare to switch the lights on, not wanting to see. She didn't know where she was going, or where she wanted to go in the first place. Her instinct was telling her to flee, but not where to. With huge eyes, she tried to focus on something, anything in the darkness of the living room, desperately wishing her heart would stop racing, that she was no longer feeling like her lungs couldn't catch enough air. Cold sweat was forming on her forehead, she could feel herself shivering from the inside.

A yelp escaped her as the lights were switched on then, blinding her for a moment. For a second, she wanted to fight back as two arms wrapped around her from behind. But very soon, the familiar voice that was whispering into her ear reminded her that no harm would come from the one person who knew how to calm her down again.

Willingly, she allowed Kevin to guide her over to the near couch and make her sit down. She was still disoriented, still panting, but with each passing moment, his attempts at pulling her out of her nightmare and back to the present seemed to succeed. He was gently rubbing her back, holding her close, giving her the warmth and stability she needed to find a way out of her state of confusion. He continued talking to her softly, but she needed a while until she understood what he was saying.

And then, the fog finally started to lift. Jenny managed to focus again, could let go of the disturbing images in her mind until she believed she had regained the ability to speak. His arm stayed firmly wrapped around her even by the time she had visibly calmed down, and she was more than grateful for it.

"Are you okay?" Kevin asked softly as he could be sure she was actually listening again.

"Yeah." Instinctively, Jenny nodded, just to shake her head a second later. "No. I mean...I don't know." Another deep sigh escaped her. The formerly experienced fear was slowly but steadily replaced by an odd kind of shame that made her feel embarrassed. "I don't know. I mean, I wasn't even hurt."

"Doesn't matter if you were hurt or not," Kevin assured her. "You were a hostage in a bank robbery. You witnessed how the bank manager was injured right in front of you. You were threatened to be killed by that person. There're enough reasons that justify being traumatised by what happened." He paused, and she could feel his eyes focused on her as he studied her closely. "And there's no need to be ashamed."

"I'm not…" she started. As Jenny lifted her gaze though, her eyes met his, and she knew he wouldn't accept whatever excuse she would try to come up with.

"I just wanna get over it," she added quietly. "Not think about it anymore. Leave it behind. I don't wanna relive it in my dreams over and over again."

"You will get over it," Kevin said. "Give it time. It might take days, maybe weeks or even months, but you'll get there. Just keep in mind that you're not alone in this. Talk to me. That's what you got a husband for after all."

"Yeah, a husband who should roll his eyes at me for acting like this, considering what you get to see every day," she couldn't help but say, breaking the eye contact again at the stern look he offered in response.

"So what? I'm a trained cop. It's my job," he answered. "You think I didn't need my time to get used to it? Not that you ever get used to what people are capable of in this city. But you can't exactly compare what I see on the job to what happened in the bank." Gently, he squeezed her shoulder before he added, "You should also talk to Castle maybe. He's been in a similar situation a bit ago, remember? And no, he didn't just walk out of that bank all fine either." A loving kiss was placed to her temple: yet another reassuring gesture. "Stop the whole beating yourself up over things and keeping them to yourself. Come to me if you need something. You expect the same from me after all, right? Remember how you keep on kicking my ass when I got a problem and don't wanna talk about it? Don't expect me not to do the same with you."

Eventually giving up on arguing, Jenny nodded in response, feeling a warm rush of gratitude at the knowledge that yes, she had more than enough support, right by her side. Before she got the chance to respond though, she was cut off by a yawn.

"I guess we'll get you back to bed," Kevin suggested, pulling her with him to get off the couch. "And if you get another nightmare, wake me up. Don't do this silly 'but you gotta sleep 'cause of work' thing."

This time, the hint of a chuckle escaped her, much to his relief. A few minutes later, she had crawled back under the covers, felt her husband's arms tightly wrapped around her in a comforting, protective gesture, and eventually allowed herself to fall asleep again.

* * *

Before Ryan had met Jenny, he had debated with himself more than once whether or not he wanted to date a fellow NYPD employee. Relationships with partners weren't permitted, but weren't encouraged either, which wasn't a problem in his case because his only female partner, Beckett, had never caught his interest in this such a way.

The NYPD had a lot of datable women to offer though, and it hadn't been the lack of options that had made him back off from the idea. Being worried about Esposito, the man who had quickly changed from partner to best friend, was worse enough. Fearing that his girlfriend could get in trouble was nothing he even wanted to imagine.

But then, Jenny had appeared, had stolen his heart, and had made him fall in love with her in a way he had never dared to imagine. Jenny had had an office job, much to his relief, and would never get anywhere close to anything dangerous that could possibly worry him.

Until she had walked into the wrong bank on the wrong day. Two weeks had passed since the incident, and Ryan still hadn't forgotten what he had felt the moment he had read her text message, and during what had felt like eternity but hadn't been more than a couple of hours. The fear, the despair. Being helpless. Not knowing whether or not they would get her out. Hostage situations were always nerve-wracking. Things had been bad enough with Castle and his mother trapped in a bank. With Jenny, they had been unbearable.

Getting over it was a new challenge now. Ryan knew that believing his wife was safe in the imaginary bubble he had believed her to be in had been irrational and silly. Being confronted with reality like that, he had to learn that no matter how much he tried to protect Jenny, she could still get in trouble.

Even worse than his own thoughts and worries though was seeing her trying to get over the traumatising events herself. The nightmares would still keep her up and awake, she was easily startled, even by him, and more than once, he had caught her deeply lost in her thoughts, which, so he assumed, hadn't been happy ones. Ryan was watching her closely, ready to jump in the moment he believed she needed someone else to interfere. He had seen people dealing with posttraumatic stress disorders, and he didn't want his wife to slip further into it than she could handle. Seeing her hurting in the first place was bad enough.

Having no job that could distract her wasn't helping much either. Ryan had volunteered to take a couple of days off, but Jenny had firmly refused to take the offer. Eventually, she had won the argument, assuring him that she would call if she needed something. This knowledge didn't prevent him from drifting off with his thoughts whenever he wasn't busy with casework. Once again, he found himself sitting in front of his blank computer screen, by now having forgotten what he had planned on doing in the first place. A well-filled, steaming mug of coffee, which was then placed in front of him, eventually brought him back to the present.

"You're okay, man?" Esposito asked, sitting down in front of his friend instead of taking the chair at his own desk. "Had a rough night?" As Ryan shrugged, shaking his head at the same time, his facial expression turned more serious. "Jenny?"

This time, he nodded. "It's not exactly nice to see her like that, you know?" He sighed. "That damn bank robbery's still haunting her. And then, there's that whole job thing. She's sitting at home all day long. She's even at the point where she'd work for free, just to be busy with something." Another sigh escaped him as he swallowed against the lump in his throat. Ryan knew: this strong connection between him and his wife was the foundation for all those jokes Esposito and Castle liked to make on his cost. He couldn't have cared less though, grateful that he had found such a partner while both men still struggled with working up the nerve to admit their feelings to their own crushes. But in moments like this, he got to experience the shadowy side of said connection.

"Then why don't you get her a job?" Castle asked from the other end of the room, where he was located at his favourite detective's desk. The sight was so familiar by now that something was clearly missing when the writer wasn't around.

"You think eavesdropping is nice, Castle?" Beckett gave him a playful, stern glance before she turned to her fellow cops. "The idea's quite good though, Ryan."

"What?" He gave the pair a disbelieving look in response. "And how exactly am I supposed to get her a job if she can't even find one herself?"

"She could work here," Castle said, cutting off Beckett, who had just opened her mouth to answer as well. The glare she offered revealed he had stolen her lines, which was rewarded with a proud grin of the writer.

"How's she supposed to work here?" Esposito wanted to know. "Last time I checked, she's not a cop."

"But she's good with office work," Beckett replied. "You said she'd even work for free? Maybe she could volunteer, help us with the paperwork. That might not be the best kind of work, but it'd get her out of the house, and she'd be around you, too."

Castle's eyes widened in disbelief. "Excuse me, but do you care to explain why exactly you're so fond of supporting every volunteer but me? Alexis was more than welcome to help out Lanie. You had no problem with Nathalie Rodes, at least until she turned into your clone. And now, you're offering Jenny a job. But what about me? Exactly how many times have you tried to get rid of me already?"

"Do you really want me to explain the difference between you and Alexis or Jenny?" Beckett shot back, giving him her best eye roll in response. "Unlike you, they're not trying to drive me crazy. And, also unlike you, I guess they actually listen when I'm telling them to stay in the car or not to get involved in stuff that's none of their business." Before the writer got a chance to defend himself, she turned her attention back to Ryan. "I could talk to Gates if you like, see what she says. I'm sure she agrees that if we didn't have to deal with endless amount of paperwork, we'd be even more efficient. You'd be okay with that?"

"Um...yeah, absolutely." Surprised by the unexpected offer, Ryan nodded. He stared at her for a little while longer as she turned back to her work, more or less successfully trying to ignore a pouting Castle. He knew they all cared, but still hadn't been prepared for such a suggestion, and for a moment, he couldn't help but wonder if the topic had come up between his partners before.

"What's all the confusion about, man?" Esposito asked amused, once again making him snap back to the present. "You don't think you should know by now what it's like to be part of our little NYPD family?" When he was sure to have his friend's attention again, he moved closer and added, "It's a good idea, man. She'll enjoy being here, especially being here with you, and she'll do a great job. There's nothing wrong with accepting a favour here and there."

Ryan nodded in agreement, smiling in response. Said smile slowly started to widen as he thought Beckett's idea through. Jenny would love it, there was no doubt about that, and he was looking forward to informing her about those news.

* * *

Standing next to Kevin in the precinct's elevator, Jenny wondered when she had been so nervous for the last time. In a good way, she thought, not willing to compare the current situation to the one she had experienced around two weeks ago. Closing her eyes, she tried to control her breath. She had been at the 12th before, but had come to visit her husband then, not to work.

She had been determined to find a new job after losing her old one, but this goal had turned out to be trickier than expected. Now, more than ever, she needed a job though, if not for the money then for the distraction. Kevin kept on repeating that she had to give herself time to get over the trauma that had been caused by the hostage situation, and was more than willing to comfort her.

But his determination and the fact that he was right didn't change the way she was feeling. The nightmares would still scare her, and more often than not, random images would find their way into her mind, would bring back the cold fear that never failed to paralyse her. Jenny was willing to work on the issue, but needed the distraction of a job as well. Any job, she had said, even if she wasn't paid, as long as she didn't have to stay at home, all by herself.

And then, Kevin had come home with the biggest smile, had announced that he could offer her to volunteer at the precinct. The job had been Beckett's idea, and to her utter surprise had been approved by the Captain as well. As a volunteer in the beginning, she would help the team with their paperwork, with the currently tiny chance of probably getting a real office job offered one day, if the NYPD would see a way to pay her.

Now, a day later, she found herself standing in the elevator, inwardly shaking in nervousness, still amazed not only by how fast she had eventually gotten what she had been longing for, but also by the fact that she would be able to work with her husband on a daily basis.

"No need to be scared, you know?" Kevin said then, interrupting her thoughts. Opening her eyes again, Jenny gazed up at him.

"I know," she sighed. "I know they're all sweet and nice. But...it's a different thing to actually work together. Besides...I've never done the paperwork for cops."

"You'll get into it," he assured her. "I know you, alright? You're a fast learner. And brilliant, too. You're my wife after all."

"Well, that's better than any certificate, right?" She chuckled nervously. Even more grateful she was as he gently took her hand, giving it a comforting, encouraging squeeze. She could do it. It was just a job: one she didn't even get paid for. And even Castle hadn't been kicked out yet, although she assumed he had caused more trouble during the past four years than she could ever even think of.

Still, her heart made a tiny leap as the elevator eventually stopped and the doors opened. Her hand tightened around his as Kevin guided her across the floor, towards Beckett's desk. She didn't miss how Castle, having taken over the chair next to her desk like he always did, sat up straight and stopped talking as they approached. Esposito, a couple of feet away, sitting at his own desk, did the same. She also didn't miss the annoyed look Beckett threw at both men before she got up to greet the new arrival with a warm smile.

"Hey," she said. "You're ready for your first day? Don't worry, we're not gonna unload all of our paperwork on you. At least not on your first day." She offered an encouraging wink before she pointed at the desk across of hers. It was new, so Jenny noticed, the office supplies neatly arranged on top of it. "This is gonna be your place. If you need anything, you can always ask me."

"Or me," Castle told her with a smile of his own. With a meaningful look, he added, "You wanna have an exclusive tour around the precinct, led by me?"

"Maybe after she was actually told what her job will be in the first place," Beckett interrupted. Jenny resisted a smirk as she caught the glimpse in the other woman's eyes: her stern glances had been more convincing once. "I prepared a few example files for you, which might help you to understand how our reports are usually written. Then, if you understood, you can have some more to work on."

"I wouldn't recommend to start with Kevin's though," Esposito said with a grin. "His system sucks. No one understands it."

"You're the only one who doesn't understand it." Kevin playfully glared at his partner. "It's a good system, Jenny, don't listen to him. At least I don't stain my paperwork with coffee."

"Anyway," Beckett interrupted before they could get deeper into the argument. "You can start with a couple of my files first. Then you can slowly work your way into the chaos that's their paperwork."

Both detectives looked like they wanted to argue back, much to Castle's obvious amusement. Another stern look of Beckett made them stay quiet though.

"Alright, we better get started," Kevin said while Javier returned to his desk. While Jenny could feel her own nervousness slowly fading thanks to the loving welcome, she could see her husband looking slightly hesitant now. "You know, if there's anything you need, just ask."

"I think I got it." With a wink, Jenny leaned in and placed a quick kiss onto his cheek. She watched Kevin as he joined his grinning friend before she turned her attention to her new desk. Taking another deep breath, she sat down, more than eager to get started, in an environment that couldn't have been more welcoming on her first day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** What Matters the Most  
**Summary:** Sometimes, it's so easy to find out what really matters.  
**Pairings:** Ryan/Jenny, Castle/Beckett  
**Rating:** PG – 13  
**Disclaimer:** I DON'T own anyone or anything. I DON'T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

* * *

He had known right from the start that getting Jenny a job at the precinct would be a perfect idea, and mentally, he had thanked Beckett various times for it. Even happier Ryan was to see how easily she had adjusted to her new workplace, and after her first week, the chances to get at least a paid part-time job were getting better and better.

The job provided exactly the distraction his wife needed. The nightmares still hadn't disappeared completely, and wouldn't for a while. Not being on her own for more than necessary prevented her thoughts from drifting into the wrong directions though. Paperwork was keeping her busy enough.

Of course seeing his wife enjoyably relaxed and excited wasn't the only reason why he thanked Beckett for her idea. Working together with Jenny was a whole new experience for him. A fairly good one, so Ryan had to admit.

And so, he found himself to be happier as well. The job often prevented him from spending as much time with his wife as he wanted to, but that was no longer an issue.

Satisfied with himself and the world, Ryan waited for the coffee machine to finish. Closing his eyes, he smiled as he took in the alluring smell, feeling his mouth water. He could understand why Castle liked to bring Beckett coffee in the morning: Jenny offered the similar grateful smile when he did the same for her, and the tingling sensation said smile caused was more than worth the extra effort.

"Yo, thought I'd find you here," Esposito interrupted him in his thoughts then. Snapping back to the present, Ryan opened his eyes again, gazing at his smirking friend. "Hiding from the wife?"

"Me? Nah, never." Ryan shook his head.

"Really?" The answer seemed to amuse Esposito even more. "Come on, man. Most people can't really stand the idea of working together with their better half. I mean, spending time with each other, fine. But everyone needs their distance, right? A break here and there."

"Well...not really." Ryan shrugged. "I mean, yeah, at times, you wanna be on your own, but I don't need that often. The job's been getting in the way, so I'm more than glad that we can finally spend more time with each other. If you love someone, you wanna be around them, you know?"

"Aww, honeymilk, aren't you just cute?" Esposito cooed with a wink. "Seriously, man. You shouldn't run after her like a lost puppy. Man up!"

"I'm not following her like a lost puppy." He rolled his eyes in response. "Besides, you're the right one to joke here. Who's getting things with Lanie started again 'cause you're still not over her yet?"

For a brief moment, Esposito looked like he was about to blush. "But I'm not worshipping the ground she's walking on," he defended himself then.

"Maybe you should," Ryan suggested.

"Nah, man. I'll leave that whole lovey dovey stuff to you. Certainly won't give up my freedom and independence for a relationship." He looked pitiful for a moment before he smirked, winked and left the breakroom with his own deliciously smelling mug of coffee. His smirk widened as he greeted Jenny, who he almost ran into on his way out.

"Did something happen?" she asked with raised eyebrows as she joined her husband. At his confused look, she added, "You look a little annoyed."

"Nah, I'm not." Ryan shook his head, sighed though as she raised her eyebrows even further. "It's nothing, really. The guys...they're always joking around a little. It's what they do. Just gets tiring sometimes."

"What are they joking about?" Jenny wanted to know, offering the wished grateful smile as she accepted the cup of coffee.

"Oh, like I said, it's what guys do," he explained, feeling slightly uncomfortable to discuss this topic with her. "That whole relationship topic has always been perfect for that. I mean, Javi got all the women while I'd be the awkward one."

Her smile softened. "You weren't that awkward when you talked to me for the first time. In fact, you were just too adorable for words."

Ryan could feel his cheeks heating up softly, but wasn't bothered by it. If there was someone who knew every possible side of him, it was his wife. "Anyway, since I'm with you, he and Castle make fun of how things are between us. You know, that I'm kinda following you like a lost puppy, things like that. It's just what guys do. They're different. You just get tired of it after a while."

"They're different?" Jenny asked back. "Maybe they're just jealous." She chuckled at his surprised look. "What, that didn't occur to you yet? Castle had two failed marriages and is head over heels in love with Beckett, but can't really make himself open up about those feelings. And Javi didn't have a decent relationship in years either. Last time was with Lanie, and that's also kind of an on-and-off thing. Meanwhile, you, the awkward one, is actually happily married."

"But Javi's not into such relationships. You know, marriage and all that stuff." He cringed at what had happened when Jenny had innocently asked whether or not the former couple could imagine to make this step as well. "And Castle...I don't know."

Jenny laughed, shaking her head in amusement as she replied, "Really? That's what they're saying. Doesn't mean it's actually true." Closing the distance between them, she gazed up at him, with those sparkling blue eyes that never failed to impress him, to make him forget that the world out there truly existed. "Let them tease you. If they were honest to themselves, they'd all admit they envy you."

Ryan couldn't deny he liked the idea. With a smile, he watched as Jenny winked at him and left the kitchen to return to her desk. Who cared what anyone thought of him, his behaviour and his marriage, as long as he was that satisfied with what he had.

* * *

Sitting at her desk, Jenny typed away on her keyboard, by now expertly blinding out the huge amount of noises that were surrounding her. The precinct definitely wasn't a quiet place, but working in a huge office with several desks stuffed into one giant room before had trained her well. When she had arrived for her first day, she had wondered if she would get into writing police reports, as she had never done it before.

Eventually, she had realised that once again, her husband had been right. She was a fast learner, and her new co-workers had been more than willing to answer all open questions she might have. After all, they were more than grateful that finally, someone was taking care of the part of the job they disliked the most.

Their way of asking for help never failed to amuse her though. Beckett was quite charming when it came to approaching her. The female detective would hand her one or two folders, assuring Jenny that there was no need to rush with them. Beckett usually was on time with her stuff anyway.

Meanwhile, things with Javier were a little different. The man was a cop through and through, and still would push his paperwork aside until the last minute. By now, Jenny had gotten used to a rather big stack of folders being dumped onto her desk with an excusing smile of their owner.

Gates had needed her while to accept help from the newest addition to the team. The Captain was a person who rather took care of her business on her own. Then, the first folder had found its way onto her desk, and obviously, Jenny had proven her talent even to her.

And then, there was Kevin. He never failed to amuse her with his shy approaches, not wanting to stress his wife, yet more than willing to get rid of his paperwork at the same time. This little back-and-forth game had turned into a new tradition for them.

Castle, the only other one in the room who wasn't a cop, had playfully asked her if she could take care of his writing as well, but eventually had settled for joining her when he wasn't busy with following Beckett, to entertain her with stories and make her work less dry. He had a talent for telling those stories, and she wasn't surprised that he had chosen a creative career for himself.

Taking a deep breath, Jenny enjoyed the tingling sensation deep within her, caused by the pure satisfaction and happiness that came with having a job again. One week in, and there had been hints dropped already that maybe, just maybe, she might be employed part-time at the precinct. Indeed, her help made sure that the cops could focus on the more important parts of their job, and made them work more efficiently. Knowing that her help was actually useful for the 12th was a good feeling.

So was being distracted. Jenny knew she couldn't run from the memories of the bank robbery, but at least she was no longer stuck at home, no longer forced to think all day long until her husband would return. The nightmares still haunted her at night, though they wouldn't occur that frequently. She was still easy to startle, but tried to deal with it, determined to talk to Kevin, who was still watching her closely, and the others, who had welcomed her so nicely. Husband and friends would make sure to support her if she needed it, if she was struggling with coping.

A gasp escaped her then, as a gentle hand came to rest on her shoulder. The second the sound had left her lips, Jenny felt embarrassed. Her cheeks reddened instantly as she looked up, meeting Beckett's eyes. Nothing in the other woman's expression indicated that her embarrassment was justified though. There was no surprise. Just understanding.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," the detective said as she sat at her own desk across of Jenny's.

"It's fine, don't worry." She tried to offer an assuring smile, but could see that it wasn't convincing at all.

"It takes you a while to feel better," Beckett stated then, her voice a little lower so the rest of the nosy precinct couldn't listen. "I know what it's like."

"I wasn't shot though. Like you," Jenny replied quietly, inwardly shuddering. She still hadn't forgotten how Beckett had broken down in front of everyone, shot down by a sniper. She could only imagine how much the female detective was still struggling with this experience.

"What exactly caused the trauma doesn't matter," Beckett answered. "A hostage situation is scary. Very scary. Ask Castle about it. Or his Mom."

Jenny nodded slowly. "I'm getting better. I can feel it. But...I don't know, I just don't feel as safe as I'd like to. I mean, you...you know how to defend yourself if someone attacks you. There was nothing I could do during that bank robbery of course. It made me think though. In other situations, I also wouldn't know how to protect myself. Like if someone came up to me and tried to rob me. It's a scary thought."

"I can imagine." Beckett offered a warm, understanding smile. "But maybe it's good you're confronted with that now. Because we can work on it."

Jenny nodded again. "But how?"

Beckett's smile widened. "I could train you if you like. Self-defence is important for every woman. I can teach you a few basic tactics. If that'd be okay with you."

"You'd do that for me?" Jenny couldn't help but ask in surprise. "I mean...that's quite some time you'd invest in me."

Beckett chuckled. "It's not a problem at all. Besides, it'll keep me fit. So if you like, we can start right today. After my shift. You'd like that?"

"Absolutely." Jenny nodded eagerly.

"Great." Beckett smiled back at her before she got up and left again. Jenny returned to her paperwork, feeling an enjoyable rush of relief. Her new partner's idea was a welcome one, that was for sure.

* * *

Like expected, Beckett had kept her promise. After the detective's shift, she and Jenny met in the gym for their first training session. Jenny couldn't deny a slight nervousness at first, but eventually, the feeling faded as she got into the right vibe. Beckett was a good teacher, and she realised soon that there was a lot she had to learn.

Half an hour later, she was exhausted, sweating, and more than ready for a break. Fortunately, Beckett seemed to agree with her on that. With a relieved sigh, Jenny let herself fall onto the mat that was used for training, eagerly trying to ease her thirst with the bottle of water she had luckily remembered to bring.

"You're doing fine so far?" Beckett wanted to know as she took another huge gulp of her own water. "It's exhausting at first, I know. Frustrating, too. But you're getting there."

"Oh, I don't mind at all," Jenny said. "It's worth the effort. Besides...thanks again for volunteering."

"For the record, it's not a problem," Beckett assured her. She drank again, in silence staring ahead. Jenny watched her, realising that for the first time, she was alone with the detective for longer than just a few minutes. She knew Beckett for years by now, but barely ever had had a chance to have a longer conversation with her. She could feel her curiosity increasing, but hesitation to speak out what exactly she was thinking made her pause.

"How are you...feeling?" she asked eventually. She could feel her heart beating faster as she wondered how to word her sentences. Jenny hadn't forgotten what had happened last time she had spoken her mind without thinking twice, and still felt guilty because of Javier's and Lanie's break up months ago. Fortunately, the couple had reunited again, was trying to give their relationship another chance. Still, she didn't want to cross the line again.

"What do you mean?" Beckett asked then, pulling her thoughts back to the present.

"Um…" she started. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Well, I know what I'm feeling at the moment. But...what about you? Kevin said you don't remember what happened. But...he also said it seems like you're seeing a therapist because of post traumatic stress disorder. I was just wondering...are you feeling better about it yet?"

Jenny knew her cheeks had taken a suspicious red colour again. Had she gone too far again? Was she too curious? She could see that Beckett's expression changed instantly. Nothing indicated that she was mad at her though and as the other woman looked up, she noticed something in her eyes that made her almost believe her question had been the icebreaker they had needed.

"If you don't want to talk about it..." she added anyway.

But Beckett shook her head. "There's nothing wrong with it. You're dealing with your own traumatic experience, and one thing I learned thanks to therapy is that you should talk about it. Keeping it all inside won't work. And talking to someone who understands what it's like to be haunted by nightmares and disturbing thoughts makes it a lot easier."

Jenny smiled relieved. "Good then." She nodded. "So…?"

"I'm getting better I think," Beckett told her. She hesitated for a moment before she continued, "The problems I have...it's not just about the shooting. I realised there's so much hidden under the surface, and I never really dealt with it. Now it's all coming up, and I have to say that's actually a good thing. It helps me to put things into perspective, to figure out who I am. Who I want to be. And how to get over all that stuff that's been holding me back."

She wanted to say more but closed her mouth again before the words could find their way out. A sudden thought found its way into Jenny's mind then, and this time, she didn't worry about speaking it out.

"Do you...really not remember what happened?" she asked carefully.

Once again, Beckett's expression said more than words. She visibly fought with herself until she shook her head. "I remember everything," she admitted quietly. "Every single second of it. Including…" She sighed deeply, shaking her head again. "I lied because…Castle said he loves me. I was lying in the grass, with...a bullet in my heart, hearing how he's confessing that, and...I don't know, I have no idea how to deal with it."

"Are you afraid?" Jenny asked softly. "Of your own feelings for him?" She offered a little smile at Beckett's confused look. "It's quite obvious. To everyone but the two of you obviously." Tilting her head to the side, she added, "So?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I mean...if I tell him that I remember...and that I remember what he confessed to me…"

"Everything's gonna change," Jenny completed for her.

Beckett nodded. "Yeah. I mean, even if I managed to tell him that I have feelings for him, too, what happens then? What if we give it a try? What if we mess everything up? It's easy to be with someone who's just fun, because it doesn't mean much to you. But when you really, deeply care for the other person...if that fails, it gonna ruin everything." She chuckled nervously. "And I can't believe I'm actually saying that. Even in front of Lanie, I'm still in denial."

Jenny couldn't help the brief rush of excitement she felt at those words, which left an enjoyable warmth deep within her. "Maybe talking to someone who understands makes it easier," she repeated the other woman's earlier words. "You understand my fear, and I understand yours. I mean, I've been at this point as well. You guys only see the relationship Kevin and I have now. But we had to get there somehow."

"So you weren't the definition of a perfect couple right from the start?" Beckett asked with the hint of a smile.

Jenny chuckled. "No. I mean, I thought he was sweet right from the start. He's such a kind man. But when we started dating...don't ask me how nervous I was when I realised I was falling in love with him. Making the step from not exclusively seeing each other to dating had already been difficult enough. But admitting that you love the other one? That was a scary thought. What if I mess up then? What if we don't work out? What if he finds someone else and breaks my heart? And the basic one...what if I love him more than he loves me? Don't ask me how many times I was asking myself all those questions. It was driving me crazy."

"But obviously you decided to go with your heart," Beckett said. "Why? What made you do it?"

"Well, I asked myself one more question." Jenny told her. "I wondered what'd be worse...if I gave it a try and maybe ended up hurt, or if I made sure he wouldn't get any closer to my heart but regret that I never gave us a chance? It wasn't an easy choice, believe me, but I don't regret it for even a single moment. If you really love someone, you shouldn't dance around each other and be afraid. Jump in, give it a try. You'll see, it's gonna be worth it. Or do you wanna be married to some compromise one day, all the time wondering what it'd been like to be with Castle instead?"

Nodding slowly, Beckett stared ahead in silence, once more lost in her thoughts. Jenny could feel her nervousness fading again. She had been honest, and she doubted she had crossed an invisible line this time. Of course, giving advice was always a tricky situation: an idea might be perfect for oneself, but not for anyone else. That Castle and Beckett had to stop their little game though was a fact to everyone who knew them.

"So you think I should do it?" Beckett asked eventually. "I should tell him that I remember? I should admit that I'm feeling the same way? That I want him?"

"If that's what you want, yes," Jenny answered. "Then you shouldn't hesitate."

Beckett nodded again. Then, her smile returned, and once again, it was a new one. "I guess now it's my turn to thank you," she admitted.

"I'd say we're even now," Jenny answered, not caring that she was blushing again. "Training in exchange for an advice."

"Yeah." Beckett paused before she added, "About therapy again...you should consider that, too. I know, it's not an easy step to make. But don't let it get too far."

"Kevin keeps on suggesting that, too," Jenny said.

"And you should listen to him," Beckett replied. "I didn't want to go either, but if you feel like you can't get over it on your own, you should do it. There's nothing wrong with asking for professional help." She smiled warmly as she moved to get up. "So...ready for another round?"

Nodding, Jenny got up as well. And as she and Beckett resumed their training, she couldn't deny something had changed between them. For the first time, she felt like something united the both of them, and she couldn't help but wonder if maybe they had just laid the foundation for a friendship with this surprisingly honest conversation.

* * *

By the time Jenny returned home, Ryan was already awaiting her on the living room couch, having perfectly timed her arrival. He mentally cringed as he thought of all the possible jokes Castle and Esposito would make if they knew about this. None of those comments could really make him stop though. He was this way, always had been, and obviously Jenny seemed to love him anyway.

With a deep sigh, she sank into the empty seat next to him, curled up against his side and released another sigh as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders to hold her close. He handed the warm mug, which he had prepared for her, to his wife, who accepted it more than willingly.

"Thank you, honeymilk," she said with a smirk. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"I'm used to it," he sighed playfully, rolling his eyes.

Jenny laughed. "Let them tease you. Maybe once they grow up, they'll stop." She placed a loving kiss onto his cheek before she settled back against his side. He let her relax and drink for a while until he broke the silence again.

"How was training with Beckett?" he wanted to know.

"Pretty good!" He couldn't help but smile at the excitement in her voice. "She's a good teacher."

"Bet she is," Ryan replied. He hesitated before he added, "So...you think it's gonna work? Making you feel safer, you know."

Jenny nodded. "I'm pretty sure about that, yeah. But in addition to that…" It was her turn to pause as she looked up at him. "I know you told me a couple of times already, but...sometimes you have to hear it from someone who knows what it's like to feel that way. As silly as it sounds."

"What do you mean?" he wanted to know.

She gazed up at him for another moment before she answered, "I think I might really go and see a therapist. I can't expect you to make me feel better. Or anyone else really. A therapist though...it's his job, and maybe it's gonna be good for me. If not, I can always quit."

Ryan smiled in response. "I see spending some time with her was a good idea, huh?"

"For the both of us I guess." A chuckle escaped Jenny, which earned her another questioning look. "I encouraged her a bit in the Castle department."

"Oh yeah?" Ryan asked surprised. "That means what? She's gonna stop pretending he's just annoying her and tell him what she's really feeling for him? If that's true, you gotta be magical, 'cause Lanie's been trying to make her do that for years."

Jenny laughed. "I think it's always easier when someone who can relate gives you the advice." She kissed him again. "I think we both agree that sometimes, you just gotta trust your heart."

"Absolutely." Pulling her even closer, Ryan returned her kiss. Jenny offered another smile in response before she returned to her mug. In silence, they remained sitting on the couch. No words were needed sometimes, and he knew they both agreed that this was just another proof for the fact that listening to their inner voice had been their best decision so far.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** What Matters the Most  
**Summary:** Sometimes, it's so easy to find out what really matters.  
**Pairings:** Ryan/Jenny, Castle/Beckett  
**Rating:** PG – 13  
**Disclaimer:** I DON'T own anyone or anything. I DON'T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

* * *

"You know, you don't have to do that," Jenny stated, trying to offer an assuring smile. The way she was sitting in her chair though, on its edge, her hands clenching and unclenching in her lap in an unconscious, nervous gesture, proved her words to be lies. During the past couple of years, Ryan had learnt to read his wife's body language like an open book.

"Don't have to do what?" he asked back. "Go to your first therapy session with you? Why not? I mean it's not like I'm gonna sit in there with you, holding your hand. It's your hour with the guy after all. Doesn't mean I can't at least sit here and wait for you. Just in case you wanna talk, you know?"

The grateful smile she offered instantly warmed his heart. Of course Ryan knew she would have never asked him to go with her: not because she feared to admit her nervousness but because she didn't want to bother him, to ask for a favour.

As if she'd ever bother him, he thought as he studied her. He was convinced that their urge to be there for each other, to offer support whenever needed, was one reason why they worked so well as a couple.

"I really don't mind," he said, emphasizing his earlier words. "See, I'll just sit here, read a few of those magazines, and then we can go get some lunch later. Sounds relaxing, don't you think?"

Jenny's smile widened, a chuckle escaping her as she shook her head at him. "You're so cute, you know that?" she asked.

He sighed playfully at her words. "Really? Are you gonna start that as well now?"

"Oh, please!" She laughed. "Unlike your friends, I think your adorableness is lovely. I've dated the macho kind before, and trust me, that's not exactly what a woman wants."

"No?" he couldn't help but ask back. "There's not something fascinating about those guys which their bad boy image?"

"You mean guys who just want some fun, but in fact only care for their reputation and are incapable of committing to a decent relationship?" Jenny shook her head again. "Trust me, there's a reason why I married you, and not just because you're hot." Leaning in, she placed a loving kiss onto his cheek. "I prefer a man who cares. You know, one of those that take you to your first therapy session and wait outside in case you need them." She kissed him again. "You are sweet, but in a good, manly way, and that's what I love about you."

She wanted to add more, but was interrupted as the door to the therapist's office was opened. Ryan could see how her nervousness returned instantly, making her tense, causing her eyes to widen. Instinctively, he reached out, took her hands into his and squeezed them gently. "It's gonna be alright," he assured her softly. "And like I said, if you need me, I'm right here."

"Thank you," she mouthed. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes for a moment before she got up. Slowly and hesitantly, she followed the therapist into his office, closely watched by her husband until the door closed behind her.

Of course Ryan couldn't blame his wife for her nervousness and hesitation. As a cop, the chances that one had to see a therapist were scarily high. Somewhere along the line, every cop would face a situation that would shake them up, would throw them off balance, and in such cases, the higher ups required that the cop in question went to get professional help.

Ryan still hadn't forgotten all those weeks he had spent with his therapist after his undercover job. He couldn't deny he had felt like his privacy had been invaded in a rather unwelcome way. It hadn't been his choice to go and see this man after all, and exposing his soul to a stranger had simply felt wrong to him. Of course all those months of playing a person who had been so different to his real personality had affected him immensely, and returning to reality had been a challenge he had feared to fail. How a therapist, whom he was forced to see, was supposed to help hadn't been obvious to him.

But then, ever so slowly, week after week, he had realised that something was changing. Talking actually seemed to work in some way, and with every passing session, he would feel the wish to uncover more, to bring up topics that were bothering him, problems that were affecting him. Eventually, he had to admit therapy had helped him to deal a little better with his experiences. Ryan was convinced that Jenny would profit from those sessions as well, and was glad that his wife had decided to make the step.

Sinking deeper into the thick cushions of the surprisingly comfortable couch, he allowed his thoughts to drift off even further.

He and Jenny. The relationship that was favoured for being the center of his co-workers' and friends' jokes. Ryan knew they had a unique marriage, but in fact, even though their comments occasionally annoyed him, especially if they were repeated over and over again, he couldn't have cared less.

That Castle had his opinion regarding marriage wasn't much of a surprise to Ryan. The man had been married twice, to women he would run from if he saw them from the distance. Meredith was crazy in some ways, with her reckless behaviour, and only her looks proved that there was a possibility the woman could be Alexis' mother. Gina was different, but listening to all those stories about hers and Castle's constant fights convinced him that he didn't want to be with someone like her either. He couldn't blame the man for disliking the idea of getting married again, although Ryan believed that his new relationship with Beckett and their growing feelings for each other would eventually change the writer's mind. Still, the prejudices would stay.

That Esposito had his own view of relationships wasn't new either. Ryan doubted his partner really had such a problem with commitment, but admitting that obviously was impossible for his friend. He didn't understand why Esposito prefered to go back and forth in his relationship with Lanie, instead of simply confessing that he loved her. Things could be so much easier for the both of them, he thought, but whenever he brought the topic up, the comments regarding his relationship and him being addicted to his wife would only increase.

Addicted to being married. Ryan thought that sounded plainly stupid, but couldn't entirely deny his friend was right in some ways either. Of course he knew it wasn't cool among men to be so dedicated to one's wife, but he couldn't help himself. Jenny had conquered his heart in a way he would have never dared to believe was possible. He loved her and cared for her, more with every day. Yes, he was in love with his wife, and after shortly shaking his head at himself in disbelief, knowing no woman would ever bother to flirt with him again, he had realised what a lucky guy he was. He loved his wife, and was loved back by her. Obviously that was more than most other married men, or single men, got to experience.

A smile lit his face as his thoughts reached this point. He was used to being the center of jokes, to men, especially those that believed they were extra manly, telling him he was, in fact, behaving like a girl at times. It was true, he thought. He wasn't like them. At all. While they knew all sports statistic, even if one woke them up and asked them in the middle of the night, he knew all the various smiles of Jenny Ryan. There were a lot, so he had realised, and all of them were equally beautiful, would cause the wish to just grab her, hold her, shower her with kisses.

He wasn't anything like them, wasn't cool, wasn't constantly flirted at by every woman he ran into. But he had a working marriage, and while the comments would be made, trying to remind 'Honeymilk' of the fact that he was too sweet and in love for a real guy, he would enjoy the thought that he would go home to a woman who loved him instead of an empty place.

So lost in his thoughts, he almost missed how the office door was opened. When Jenny stepped out, he jumped up from his comfortable seat, almost knocking over the small table with the magazines in the process. Instinctively, he checked her over, trying to read in her face if she was okay. It was another advantage of being happily married: she was like an open book to him. Her eyes weren't red though, indicating she hadn't cried, or at least hadn't cried much. Rough emotions were still visible in those beautiful eyes though, and Ryan forced himself not to jump forward and just embrace her.

"Hey," he said softly instead, stepping closer as she slowly made her way through the room. "You wanna say how you're feeling?"

The hint of a smile was tearing at the corners of her mouth as she shrugged. "I think I'm okay," she answered. "I'll be back next week, but...can we go now?"

"Of course." No longer willing to stay away from her more than necessary, Ryan wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gently guided her out of the waiting room. Neither of them spoke a word until they arrived in the underground car park, even though he was curious, even though there were so many questions he wanted to ask. Pushing was never a good idea in such situations though.

"You wanna go get something to eat now?" he wanted to know as they looked for their car. "We could also go home and I'd cook something for you. Your favourite pasta maybe? We didn't have that in a while. I think we even got all the supplies at home for that. We could also order something, but cooking is always a little nicer. You could help if you like, or just sit and relax for a bit. I know, therapy can be quite exhausting. In the beginning, it's about getting used to that whole stuff, actually learning how to talk about yourself, and then later on, it's all the emotions coming up. So afterwards, you should allow your mind to relax a bit." He stopped, feeling how his cheeks started to heat up slightly.

"I'm talking too much, huh?" he asked. "I think I just...well, I'm a bit nervous. I don't know what you've been talking about, and how you're feeling now. Don't really wanna push you either, 'cause I know those therapy sessions already make you feel kinda sore and exposed. I don't wanna do anything that might stress you either though, so I'm a little...well, guess I'm just trying to figure out what I can do to make you feel better." He sighed. "And see? I'm doing it again. Talking too much. Sorry."

He almost tripped over his own feet as she suddenly came to a stop. Turning around to face her, Ryan realised her expression had changed again. Nothing indicated that she was annoyed by his sudden outburst of thoughts and feelings though. Instead, he noticed one of those smiles which he had seen before, but which she didn't use often. He was still trying to figure out what it meant, but before he could say anything else, she jumped forward, wrapped her arms around his neck and firmly pressed her lips against his. He was surprised and amazed by the intensity of the kiss, by all the emotions she poured into it, and as she pulled back again, he needed a moment to remember where they were.

"You're not talking too much. Not at all," she assured him warmly. Taking a deep breath, she allowed her smile to widen even more. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

"Well, you're telling me quite often," he answered, a little shyly. She had this effect on him. All the time.

"Yeah, but I think you still don't know how much that really is." Leaning in again, Jenny placed another, quicker kiss onto his lips. "You know, we talked about you as well. About how much you're supporting me, first with being unemployed, then with the new job, and with trying to get over the hostage situation. I mentioned how close we are, and how people are giving us the odd looks because of that. Kinda as if it's wrong to have such a connection to your spouse. You know what he said? He asked what it makes me feel like. To be so close to you, you know? I said it makes me feel good, and happy. And he said just to ignore the comments then, or the looks. Because a relationship like ours provides a safety that allows us not only to be the way we really are, but also makes sure we know there's someone we can always rely on. That's exactly what you need in situations like this, where you're trying to deal with something. I think he's right, and him saying that reminded me of how much I always wanted to be with someone like you. Someone who understands, who cares, who treats me like a princess. I know it sounds cliche, and to a lot of people, it might look exactly like that. But guess what? I don't care. Because you just make me so happy with being so sweet." Strong emotions were visible in her eyes again at this point, and a tiny laughter escaped her as she added, "Now, who's talking too much?"

"Certainly not you." Pulling her into a tight embrace, Ryan kissed her cheek to mirror her earlier gesture. Her words had touched him in a way he hadn't expected, and were yet another proof for the fact that obviously, he was doing things just right. Who cared for the opinion of others?

"So...it's cooking at home then?" he asked as he pulled back again, trying to ease the tension a bit before both of them could be overwhelmed by emotions.

She chuckled again. "I think that sounds very good. But only if I may help."

"Be my guest," he said, wrapping his arm more firmly around her shoulders as they continued their way back to the car, even more convinced now that therapy was really a good idea.

* * *

When she had visited the 12th precinct for the first time, Jenny had been surprised by what a friendly and welcoming area a police station could be. She knew a lot of cop wives or husbands didn't understand why their partners were practically married to their jobs and counted their co-workers to their family. To her, seeing Kevin's friends, that hadn't been much of a surprise.

Now that she was working at the 12th herself, she understood him even better, because she was starting to feel at home herself. Sitting at her desk, she allowed herself a moment to take in her surroundings. By now, people would greet her as well when she arrived in the morning, would wave or smile at her when they walked past her desk, or would talk to her in the kitchen when she wanted to get herself some coffee.

She was part of them, part of something again, and still believed she couldn't thank Beckett enough for having this idea in the first place. Of course, doing the paperwork certainly wasn't as exciting as what Castle would do all day long, but she had something to focus on, something that earned them at least a bit money, something that would prevent her from sitting at home all day long, having far too much time to think.

Leaning back in her chair, she studied the tidy desk in front of her. Unfortunately, she had gotten used to the new job so quickly that she hadn't needed a helping hand anymore after just a couple of days. Now, writing those reports was so easy that she would get work done a little too fast at times. Today was one of those days, and she found herself hoping that someone would be kind enough to ask for her help.

And so, her head snapped up in expectation as Beckett rounded the corner, hurrying towards her desk. During the past couple of weeks, the female detective had turned into something like a friend for her. They were still meeting at the gym for training, but spent a lot of time with simply talking as well. It had been her who had given Beckett the needed kick into the right direction. She and Castle were finally dating, which was their most discussed topic at the moment.

"You got a new crime scene?" Jenny asked as the woman arrived at her desk, not to hand a stack of files over but to grab her forgotten jacket.

"Yeah, I'm a bit in a hurry," she answered. Pausing for a moment, she added then, "You'd like to join us?"

"Me?" Jenny's eyes widened in surprise. Had she understood her friend right? As Beckett nodded, she asked, "Well...I got paperwork to do."

Chuckling, Beckett shook her head at her. "Yeah, about that...coincidentally, I know you're fantastic at your job, and that you're done with everything already. As you're supposed to hang out here though, why not do something useful with your time? I wouldn't mind. I doubt you're as exhausting as Castle is." She paused again. "Of course, if you don't wanna see a crime scene…"

"Oh, that's no problem for me. Remember, I get to see the ugly photos anyway." Jenny couldn't suppress a shudder at the mental images that wouldn't disappear for a while. Some cases were rougher than others, and she admired the cops even more for doing this job every single day for so many years. A rush of excitement filled her as she got up. "I'd love to join you. As long as it's really okay."

Beckett just grinned in response. "Trust me, if Castle had been that polite back then, I might have been less reluctant to accept his presence. Now hurry up."

Around half an hour later, both women arrived at the location in question: a rather big house in the suburbs, surrounded by the familiar police cars and crime scene tape. As they made their way up to the entrance, Jenny could feel her heart hammering harder in her chest. Seeing crime scene photos and writing reports about cases was one thing. Actually getting face to face with this kind of work was another one, but she was curious nonetheless.

Carefully not to trip or ruin any evidence, she followed Beckett inside, who headed straight for the living room. Jenny couldn't stop herself from tensing slightly as she spotted the body of their victim, lying in the middle of the thick carpet in a dark layer of her own blood. Lanie, kneeling next to the young woman, looked up as they entered.

"Oh, hey." She smiled. "We got a new guest I see."

"Do you mind?" Jenny couldn't help but ask as she stepped closer. "I mean, I guess there are just so many non-cops you wanna accept at your crime scene."

Lanie stared up at her in surprise for a moment before she shook her head and grinned. "Sweetie, I'd have a million yous instead of one Castle at times. So polite and sweet. No surprise our Detective Ryan's so in love with you." She nodded towards the body on the floor. "You'd like me to explain some stuff to you? Our cop friends will only really gather information now, but I already got actual work done." She winked as Beckett playfully rolled her eyes and turned to Esposito, who approached with what he had found out so far.

Still a little hesitantly, Jenny knelt down across of her, watching closely what the other woman was doing. "Are you okay with this?" Lanie asked, looking up once again. "Castle is fascinated by crime scenes, 'cause he's into figuring out why people would do such things to each other. But not everyone can just stand and watch while there's a dead body in the room."

"It's definitely something you have to get used to. As much as you can and should get used to such things," Jenny answered honestly. "It's fine though." She took a deep breath, held it for a moment and released it again, trying to ignore the smell in the room. "What do you think happened here?"

"What does it look like to you?" Lanie asked back.

Narrowing her eyebrows, Jenny risked a closer look. "Seems like someone hit her in the head with something. Or she fell onto something?"

"I think someone hitting her is more plausible, at least if you look at it a little more closely," Lanie answered. "You see the pattern of these blood splatters here?"

Jenny listened closely as Lanie explained her theory of what might have happened to the woman in front of them, how she explained the evidence she had found so far, and slowly, her earlier nervousness started to fade. She was welcome at this crime scene: a question she had been worried about the most. Fortunately, nothing in the other woman's behaviour indicated she still had a problem with their first meeting, months ago, which had eventually led to her and Esposito breaking up. Jenny knew the couple was back together by now, but was still struggling. So far, she was determined not to bring the relationship up again though, too scared she would somehow manage to mess with it again.

So focused on Lanie's explanations, she almost missed as her husband joined them in the victim's living room. Only as he said her name in surprise, she looked up. What she saw in his eyes wasn't exactly what she had expected though, and certainly not what she had hoped for.

"What are you doing here?" he wanted to know, failing at hiding the fact that he wasn't too pleased by what he was seeing.

"Kate invited me to join her," she said, getting up from the floor. "I was done with my paperwork and she thought I might be interested." Tilting her head to the side, she asked, "You got a problem with that?"

"No, of course not," Kevin answered, a little too quickly to be convincing. One look into his eyes revealed more than a million words, even though he was trying to hide his true thoughts.

With a sigh, she closed the distance between them, gently grabbed his arm. "I'll be right back," she said over her shoulder.

"I'll be right here," was Lanie's short answer. Ignoring the curious looks of the nearby officers, she pulled her husband out of the living room, out of the house, until she was sure the others wouldn't be able to listen, unless they dared to follow them.

"What's the problem?" she asked then. "And don't say there is none. I know you, Kevin. I can read you like an open book. So?"

That he hesitated wasn't a surprise. She could see how much he was struggling with voicing his thoughts, not wanting to offend her with them. Then he sighed and shrugged. "I know it's stupid," Kevin started. "You know, I'm really happy that you love your new job. But...if I'm honest...when I saw you with Lanie in the living room...I just wanted to lock you in an office and make sure you wouldn't get anywhere close to a crime scene again."

"But why?" Jenny wanted to know. "You think I can't handle this?"

"Of course you can," he stated. "I know you. But...it's not that." He hesitated again, another deep sigh escaping him. "When I met you, I was glad that I was falling in love with a woman who had a boring office job. Sorry." He looked a little uncomfortable at his own words. As she didn't argue back though, he continued, "What I mean is...I could be sure you'd go to the office and back home, and everything'd be just fine. Now, working at the 12th is fine, too, 'cause you're supposed to take care of the paperwork. But going to the crime scenes...Like I said, I know you. You'll want to join the interrogations, you wanna pick up suspects with us. Like Castle. And I know in how much trouble Castle has gotten himself over the year. I know it's unfair, but...I wanna protect you, and it's driving me crazy to imagine you in such situations, you know?"

He looked even more embarrassed now that he had revealed his thoughts, but while listening to his speech, she had to admit his thoughts made sense. She couldn't blame him for them. Jenny knew most women would believe her husband was trying to control her job choices, but she knew him better. Kevin was honest, and she knew his intentions had nothing to do with control. He wanted to protect her, like he had said, and the look on his face made him want to hug and kiss him, rather than complain.

"I get it," she said then. "I really do. Trust me, I do understand, but remember what happened at the bank?"

"How could I not remember that?" he asked back.

She offered the hint of a smile. "See? It was just a bank. You're right, I always had a boring job. Back then, I didn't even have a job at all. Yet I got into such a situation. I know you wanna keep all harm away from me, but you'd have to lock me in a safe to make that happen. Yes, you're right, now that I'm working for the 12th and figuring out more and more what you're doing every day, I wanna learn. I wanna see what it's like to interrogate a suspect, to do all the stuff you're doing. It'll make the job easier for me, too, because I'll understand the context a lot better. But I'm not Castle, okay? I'll listen. You tell me what to do and how to behave, and I'll do it, because I know you guys got all the experience. I won't jump in and do crazy stuff like him."

He nodded slowly. "I know that," he answered. "Goodness, I know it's silly. But I wanna be honest."

"And that's a good thing. I'm glad you and I can be honest to each other." Stepping closer, she gave him a quick kiss. "But you have to trust in me."

Kevin nodded again. Then, much to her joy, he smiled as well. "So you and I are gonna be partners as well now?"

"I think that sounds like a pretty cool idea, don't you think?" she asked back, her own smile widening. Linking her arm with his, she added, "Now, why don't you fill me in on the information you got already? Maybe I can come up with some useful theories, too."

Jenny laughed at the look Kevin gave her in response, before they entered the house again. Being partners really sounded good, and obviously he was starting to agree with her.


End file.
